I Give You Back

I give you back.
I release you, my beautiful and terrible fear.
I release you, you were my beloved and hated twin,
but now I don't know you as myself.
I release you with all the pain I would know
at the death of my daughters.
You are not my blood anymore.
I give you back to the soldiers who burned down my home,
beheaded my children,
raped and sodomized my brothers and sisters.
I give you back to those who took the food
from our plates when we were starving.

I release you fear,
because you hold these scenes in front of me
and I was born with eyes that can never close.
I release you fear so that you can no longer
keep me naked and frozen in winter,
or hot and thirsty in summer.

I release you

I am not afraid to be angry
I am not afraid to rejoice
I am not afraid to be black
I am not afraid to be white
I am not afraid to be hungry
I am not afraid to be full
I am not afraid to be hated
I am not afraid to be loved, to be loved, to be loved.

Oh you have choked me but I gave you the leash,
Now I have no neck.
You have gutted me but I gave you the knife,
Now you have no hands.
You have devoured me but I laid myself across the plate,
Now you are full and the plate is empty.

I take myself back, fear.
You are not my shadow any longer.
I won't hold you in my hands.
You can't live in my eyes, my ears, my voice, my belly,
Or in my heart, my heart, my heart.

But come here fear.
I am alive, and you are so afraid of dying.

Unknown Poet